Cancer, if we’re honest most of us think things like cancer happen to other families, not yours – right? That is unless we’ve already heard it in connection with the name of a family member.
A young mother heard cancer mentioned with her name, but we all were sure she would be ok – after all she was a young, Christian mother who had even spent time on the mission field. The Lord used her cancer to expose my secret thoughts. In my heart I was heard to say, “Young mothers don’t die of cancer, especially young Christian mothers.” It was there I found my security, not in the Lord.
This young Christian mother did die of cancer. Her youngest child was six months old. I could no longer hide my thoughts and my idol tumbled, useless to the ground.
My faith was shaken. I had to turn from my idol to the Lord, and trust Him to take me through – even if the unthinkable happened to me.
Not long after that I heard the “C” word again. This time it was mentioned with my sixteen month old son Eric’s name. I spent the night before the test pleading with the Lord – begging Him not to ask me to walk through this. It seemed unthinkable to ask my baby son and our family to go through this.
But the Lord did ask it of me, of us, and we did it. I did it with a lot of anger at God. A lot of whys. A lot of doubt about God’s goodness and faithfulness. I knew the world was watching to see how a “Christian” would go through this, my family – even my Christian friends were all watching. I felt like a failure. But we made it and Eric lived. Each year I hold my breath as he is tested and release it when he remains cancer free.
Recently I heard my name connected with the “C” word. The call came during my quiet time. As I listened to the words, “Come in for additional testing.” I thought my heart had stopped. I hung up and my first thoughts were Mary’s words from Scripture, “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.” Luke 1:38 KJV
Are you asking me to say that? Yes, He was, surrender, He was asking me to surrender it to Him. Not to fight like the last time. And so I did. I repeated Mary’s words and they became my words of surrender.
Peace, tears, sleep, these were mine as we waited for the appointed time for more tests. Could I really be brave? I’m not brave, I don’t suffer well, and I’m a wimp when it comes to pain. But mostly there was peace.
Benign cyst – have there ever been more beautiful words?
Joy, release. Not this time. Thank you Lord. But…I must continue to walk in my commitment of surrender, “Be it unto me according to your word.”
Now for a couple of the great posts I enjoyed this week:
Comparisons Stink was a devotional on Proverbs 31
Adult Daughters at Home and the Homemaking Profession at Raising Homemakers was encouraging
Finding Joy in the Journey,
Phyllis
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Phyllis Sather
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4 Comments
momstheword
I am so glad that you and your son are o.k! One of my brothers has fought cancer three times. He was originally diagnosed as terminal and given just two+ years to live. But they came out with a new cancer treatment and it has kicked cancer’s behind. Now he is in remission and the doctor believes that they’ve cured it. From death to life.
Of course, it’s all in God’s hands and we know that. But it’s given my brother hope and he has lived beyond their original time frame diagnosis PLUS he’s cancer free!
We can drive ourselves crazy and wear ourselves out trying to understand the “why” and trying to wrestle with God about it. There is peace in surrender and just letting God be God.
Thanks so much for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today! 🙂
Phyllis
Thanks for sharing your story – I love hearing how others have beat cancer.
Tara
Phyllis, thank you for linking such a personal story of surrender. I pray that your family remain cancer free through your willingness to continue to surrender. Have a blessed day. Tara.
Phyllis
Here is a comment from a friend who sent it directly to me. I’m posting with his permission.
Phyllis, My sister, Debbie, who has always taken good care of herself, got breast cancer ten years ago, and was treated for it successfully; then got a very rare form of cancer that was caused by the radiation treatments she had received for the breast cancer. It is basically untreatable, so now she is dying. But what I have seen through all this is God’s grace and goodness.
My sister has an incredible attitude. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people are praying for her. It is drawing my family together. Family members that I never knew were spiritual are verbalizing their faith. My sister herself, who has always said that her faith was personal, and therefore never talked about it, is suddenly discussing her faith in God. And I am realizing how short our time on earth is and how urgent it is that we make the most of every day. I’m also realizing how much I appreciate my sister and other family members.
It is changing all of us for the better. I don’t know anyone who has changed for the worse because of my sister’s cancer. So this experience is a gift. And, yes, we will miss my sister once she’s gone; but she is going to get to see the Lord before the rest of us. How good is that?! God’s work on my sister is almost done. For the rest of us, He still has some work to do. And yet, “All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Love in Christ,
Waits
http://www.waitsel.com