There we are, young – or maybe not so young – but definitely in love. I always tell Dan that everyone celebrates our anniversary. That is one of the benefits of getting married near July 4th. It hardly seems like it could have happened 25 years ago, and yet in some ways I can hardly remember a time when Dan wasn’t a part of my life.
We took two days away by ourselves to celebrate this year and it was a delightful time. We’re definitely older and have a lot of memories from these 25 years. One thing I especially enjoyed was the times of comfortable silence we enjoyed together. When we told our children we didn’t listen to any music or audios in the car they were really surprised. But add to that no TV or computers and they were shocked. We talked a lot, but the comfortable silent times of just being together were so good. Personally, I think it says a lot about a couple when they are comfortable being together and don’t feel the need to fill every moment with chatter.
During one of my recent mind journeys down memory lane I remembered a Bible study that I was in as a relatively new Christian – before I met Dan. Several of the ladies were complaining about their husbands. Yes, these were Christian ladies, and now I have a policy of never saying anything negative about my dear husband. But as a new Christian I was just learning a lot of these things. I remember getting upset after listening to them complain for what seemed like a long time. After one woman complained about her husband never putting his laundry in the appropriate spot I finally spoke up. I asked them, Does your husband support you financially? Does he come home every night? Does he help with your children? Does he love you? They all answered that they did. Then I said, “As a single parent I would be glad to pick up any man’s laundry who was willing to do these things for me. I’m sure I could find any number of women who would gladly trade places with you.”
Now as a wife of 25 years I have to admit that I’ve had my moments too where I’ve found myself complaining about something that was relatively minor in the big scheme of things. That’s when this little vignette seems to like playing in my mind.
The Lord has blessed me with a man who truly does love me as expressed in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
Does that mean he is perfect? By no means. So, I’ve had many opportunities to remind myself of what I said to those complaining wives so many years ago and to allow the Lord to change my heart and words to be gracious in what I say about him.
One e-mail loop that I’m on actually has a policy that we can only say good things about our husbands.
I’m not so naïve that I don’t know there are times when counseling may be necessary in a marriage, but telling everyone you know, or even just your “closest” women friends, isn’t how to handle marital problems. I remember one time when I called friend after friend to try to tell someone my tale of woe. No one answered the phone. Then the Lord whispered to me that He was available. I’m grateful He closed other doors and invited me into His chambers to discuss my issues.
There are appropriate times to involve wise council for marriage problems, but be sure to check your attitude and make certain you really want council, not just an opportunity to vent. Then chose carefully who you talk with.
Do you have examples of ways the Lord has guided you to be a better wife? Please share them in the comment section and we will all benefit from these helpful suggestions.
Finding Joy in the Journey,
Phyllis
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Phyllis Sather
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© 2009 Phyllis Sather
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My anniversary is also very close to the celebration of Independence day. We have always said that everyone was shooting off fireworks in honor of our anniversary. :o)
I was glad to find your blog, thanks for writing it for us all.
Amen, Phyllis. I too have a policy of only saying good things about my husband. In fact, I think I brag about him too much! 🙂