Fourteen! The waitress thought she was fourteen and actually asked us if she was allowed to drink coffee! This wasn’t the first time one of our 20+ year old daughters was mistaken for a young teen instead of a young adult woman.
All of us “older” women know they will appreciate this in the years to come, but at this point they would rather be recognized as adults than teens.
They were well groomed, well behaved young ladies, so why do people look at them and assume they are much younger? Well, let me tell you what I think.
There is an innocence that accompanies purity.
In today’s world of children who are anxious to be adults, many young children – especially girls, are trying to look much older than their years. They wear shoes with hi-heels, dresses that are inappropriately adult in their styling, and more makeup than most adults wear. They look and act well beyond their years – to what I think is their detriment.
So when someone sees a young lady with only complimentary makeup, modestly dressed and neatly groomed, they tend to see what they expect to see — a very young girl—instead of an appropriately dressed young woman.
Proverbs 31:11-12 says “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
I would like to make some suggestions about what it means to “do him (your future husband) good and not evil all the days of her life.”
This isn’t just a nice sounding phrase — the Lord always means what He says and has very little difficulty expressing Himself, so let’s look at several things I think we could be training our daughters to do from a very young age.
—Dress modestly. From the time your daughters are toddlers, they should be taught to keep their private body parts covered. For example, you might be tempted to think that a two-piece bathing suit can look cute on those chubby little bodies, but what are we teaching them — that some immodesty is ok if you are young enough or cute enough?
What does dressing modestly have to do with “doing good to our (future) husband? First, you will not be tempting young men who will someday be someone’s husband to lust, and you will be keeping yourself and your body for that special one man one woman relationship that the Lord has for you.
—Remember that children’s song —Be careful little eyes what you see, Be careful little ears what you hear etc.? Although this was written as a song for little children it is appropriate for everyone.
¬–For young women one of the biggest eye or ear traps seems to be romance novels. I’ve heard it said that romance novels are to women what pornography is to men.
You can easily find yourself wrapped up in daydreaming about a male character or a wonderful situation with that character and all that a “perfect” man would mean.
How can this do harm to your future husband? By encouraging you to have unrealistic ideas about what happens in “real” life. You are a sinner and you will be marrying a sinner. No man can live up to the image of a Mr. Darcy. Even the author said, “If you want a Mr. Darcy, you have to make him up.”
The other danger I see is unrealistic expectations about how your future husband will care for you financially and emotionally. In most romance novels any difficulties are usually solved in very satisfying ways before the end of the book. This doesn’t always happen. Some differences and issues may take months or even years to work out in a marriage.
I think it’s very important to train our daughters to know that many of our needs are only meant to be satisfied in the Lord. Getting married doesn’t change that. I married later in life and knew this, but after several years I found myself expecting Dan to meet needs that only the Lord was meant to meet. Even needs that our husband meets are truly being met by the Lord, since He is the one who provided a husband to love and care for us.
—Begin training your daughter’s to be wives and mothers. From an early age they can be helping in the kitchen, with cleaning, and preparing for that wonderful moment when Dad arrives home.
We talked with our daughters at an early age — probably about 5 & 7—as we picked up toys and set the table for dinner, how happy Dad would be to come home after a hard days work to an orderly house, happy children who were clean and had big smiles on their faces, and a good dinner.
Our 22 year old son still races to the garage when Dad pulls into the driveway to be the first to welcome him home. Of course, spending a lot of time with three women could also explain his actions.
It was a time we all looked forward to and it was preparing them to be wives and mothers who would remember the importance of doing it in their own homes someday.
What are you doing to foster purity in your daughters? What are you doing to prepare them to be Godly wives and mothers? Please share so we can all learn.
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