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How to Cultivate Proverbs 13 Friendships

How to Cultivate Proverbs 13 Friendships. Proverbs 13:20 (KJV) “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

Proverbs 13:20 (KJV) “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

We are no exception to the struggle most parents have about friendships for their children, and sometimes even for themselves.

I remember several years when I didn’t feel like I had a true friend other than my husband. All our children were young and it was difficult to get together with other women. I had a lot of acquaintances, but no one I could confide in or go to when I was struggling.

Over a period of time I realized that I was going to the Lord more and more because I had no one else to go to. As I continued to walk in this seemingly friendless time I saw that I had been getting others’ opinions and ideas before going to the Lord or my husband and felt that this was the Lord’s way of getting my attention and redirecting me in the way He wanted me to go. I found myself becoming increasingly content to run to the Lord first, and as my heart changed the Lord began to bring me some true friends. It was a precious time and is still a precious memory.

Since that time I’ve had other times when friends with similar values seemed few and far between, but once again something amazing started to happen. I found myself spending more and more time with my daughters and my son. They were growing up. They were becoming adults and we were relating on many different levels – including as friends.

As I watch our daughters animatedly talking together I wonder how they can have so much to talk about when they spend so much time together. Then I notice that every half hour or so their brother their passes my desk on his way to their room. Usually there are louder sounds of animated talking when he is in the room, but once again I marvel at their multi-faceted relationships. Sooner or later I often find myself going down to find out what they are doing that is so much fun.

As homeschool moms we have all been told this will happen – our homeschooled children will be great friends eventually, in spite of our multitude of mistakes, and we will grow in our relationships with them from those challenging parenting years, to mentors, and finally to friends and mentors.

Well I’m here to tell you it can and does happen. There are often many snags along the way, some more difficult than others, but with prayer and persistence real friendships can develop between you and your adult children. We have seen that it often happens at the expense of fewer outside of the family friends, but since Dan and I don’t have very good relationships with our siblings it was very important to us that our children have better ones than we have had and we worked toward that goal.

Here are some things we’ve done in our family that we think have helped cement our relationships:

-Make family time a priority – not to the exclusion of what the Lord calls you to do as individuals, but prayerfully choose activities that you can do together as a family and with other families, such as a home group with families who have children, or ministering at nursing homes.

-Family meals as often as possible – even secular sources are saying how important this is today.

-Don’t be afraid to be a little silly once in a while – while silly isn’t always good, goofing around can be the glue in your relationships. One morning when the children were much younger we gathered together for our morning Bible study and prayer time I had an orange peel in my mouth so that when I smiled at them they saw that instead of my teeth. I have no idea what else we did that day, but we all remember laughing and laughing about that smile and everyone had to try it too – no, not with the same piece of orange peel!

-Make memories together

-Have family traditions – When we started our family Dan and I had a dream of a cabin we could go to every year. We often talked and prayed about our desire. Being a woman of action I drug him off to some terrible places, including one that had fleas in one of the bedrooms, and one where the cabin was so far from the lake shore you almost had to drive there, but eventually the Lord provided above and beyond what we had asked for. It is owned by Christians, near both of our extended family members, very private, good pan fishing from the dock, and rental included an old pontoon boat that even our small children could fish from.

Our first stay was when our youngest, Eric, was just 3 months old, and we’ve been there at least once a year since then – he’s now 21. When had leukemia we often went there twice a year. We joke that we have so many family traditions there that we can no longer do them in one trip so we have to choose which ones to do.

What do you do to cultivate Proverbs 13 friendships? What do you plan to start doing?

Finding Joy in the Journey,


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  • Judith
    Posted July 20, 2012 at 12:38 AM

    I was drawn to your thumbnail picture of your girls with their very long hair. Love it!! What you shared was like a balm as (again) I am going through a time when I have many acquaintances but have had much closer friends in the past. This happened before and it does cause me to draw closer to the Lord. Hearing you say that (hearing?) was so encouraging. Thank you. I came over from the Growing Home but I think I have seen your picture today as I linked up here and there.

    • Phyllis
      Posted July 20, 2012 at 6:59 AM

      My girls were able to give to Locks of Love twice with one hair cut when they went to shoulder length hair. It was like a harvest!
      I miss their long hair, but glad it was used for good.

      I’m glad you were encouraged and that the Lord is meeting your needs – as always.

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 5:44 PM

    Hi Mynnette, What a lovely name!

    I’m glad you enjoyed the post and please come back often.

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    Hi Lori, Thanks for stopping by. I enjoy looking at your site whenever I get a chance.

    What would any of us do without the grace of God?

  • Mynnette
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 6:46 PM

    A wonderful post! I come from a family of 9 children (I’m the oldest) and my family comprise my best friends in the world. My DH is first, but then the rest of my family…and his! Family is so important–thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!!! 🙂

  • Lori
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    Hi Phyllis!
    Stopping over from Wifey Wednesday. We too have this struggle. But God has always been gracious and provided everything we’ve needed….including friends. But like you said, what we often need is HIM and family….He’s just sooooo good!!!!

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    Hi Lisa,
    My husband and I have very tenuous relationships with our siblings so it was important to us that our children would have closer relationships. It was a goal that we’ve worked on with them for 20+ years and it has not been a waste of time. I’m always delighted by how many things they have in common or how often they go to each other for help.

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 10:08 AM

    Tyanne, I would encourage you not to give up on these friendships, but to ask the Lord how you can creatively renew or strengthen them.

  • Lisa
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 9:23 AM

    You are so right! I also have chosen to make my family my best friends, and I’ve found it to be wonderful investment! My oldest daughter, who is a 26 year old pastor’s wife and mother of 3, tells me that her sister (who is 17) and I are her best friends. In fact, both my daughters love to talk on the phone together, and can’t wait to see each other again.

    My husband and I are the bestest of friends, even after 28 years! God has been so good to us!


  • Tyanne
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    I have come to realize recently that I struggle with cultivating these kinds of friendships. It actually came as a bit of a surprise to me, because in previous seasons of life these friendships came so easily. Moving across the country, marriage, and motherhood have totally changed what it looks like, though, and I am having to learn it in a new way. Thank you for your post and your wisdom here!

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:23 PM

    I too have online friends and its great to be able to communicate so easily.

    The young mother’s have so many more resources today than we did 20 years ago – but with privilege comes responsibility – they really need to guard their hearts and keep their husband and children before the computer.

  • Homeschool on the Croft
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    I’ve had long spells in my married life when I had no close friend. Like you, it was especially when the children were very young. We’re all different, but in general, I think women do ‘need’ (would *really* like!) at least one other friend with whom she can talk ‘women talk’ (normally kids at that stage!). But…. I didn’t, and though I missed it, we all survived!
    As the kids get older – just like you say – they have become my friends. My 19 year old son, and two teenage daughters really are my friends. But just recently, God has provided four online friends with whom I ‘speak’ every day. We are such an encouragement to each other, and it’s such a blessing to have them.
    God supplies different things for different stages of our lives (and sometimes he supplies the ‘no friends’ to supply a deeper reliance on Him.

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 3:49 PM

    The Lord continues to provide, right Nancy?

  • Phyllis
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 3:49 PM

    Lorneth I’m always glad when something I write takes someone back to the Bible. I hope you will be blessed by your study. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Lorneth
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    I loved reading this post. I will have to take a deeper look at Prov. 13.

  • Nancy Franson
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 11:31 AM

    Stopping over from Intentional Thursday. Some helpful thoughts here about cultivating godly friendship. I remember trying to balance these things during my homeschooling years. I am so grateful for the way God used many within the body of Christ to fill up the ways in which I was lacking. God is so abundantly good in his provision!

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