We left Friday morning, March 30th, at 4:30 AM to drive to Tucson, Arizona. It was pitch black and raining. As we drove through the blackness I found myself watching for some sign of daylight. At one point I even asked my husband what time it would begin to get light. I would peer into the distance in an attempt to catch a glimpse of any sign of light or at least less darkness. At times I felt rather fearful. I jokingly said, “What if God doesn’t get up this morning?”
Actually I was only half joking, as I was struggling not to be afraid. I asked myself, Afraid, of what? Driving in the dark – not really, although I really don’t enjoy driving in the dark. It was more than that. The thought came to me – “the dark night of the soul” – darkness – aloneness – without God – the times that seem like they will never end.
In Wikipedia it says:
The “dark night” could generally be described as a letting go of our ego’s hold on the psyche, making room for change that can bring about a complete transformation of a person’s way of defining his/her self and their relationship to God. The interim period can be frightening, hence the perceived “darkness”. In the Christian tradition, during the “dark night” one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time. The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, or that their prayer life has collapsed.
You can read the full description here:
As we drove, I realized that I had been experiencing a “Dark Night of the Soul” and hadn’t even realized it until I found myself so fearful about the piercing darkness.
Dark nights of the soul test our faith. I had failed to believe the Lord would be faithful to me – I imagined that he had suddenly abandoned me – yet He had been there all along.
How do you respond when you feel this way? Let me encourage you (and myself) with these words from 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we believe not, [yet] he abideth faithful: he cannot deny himself.”
It took only moments to ask the Lord’s forgiveness for my lack of faith and as I finished thanking Him I could see the sun peeking over the horizon in the distance.
(We will not share your address)